Wouldn't it be nice
by jacquelinealexa
Summary: So basically im in a roleplay group and someone suggested I do a one shot of April commiting suicide morbid, i know .I really like the way it came out, so i figured id go with it and make it a full story! I plan on adding steamy Japril scenes later on :p Oh and sadly, i do not own Grey's anatomy or any of its characters, because, well, if i did, i wouldn't be writing fanfic...
1. Chapter 1

April sat on the bathroom floor resting her head on the porcelain sink. Her head was throbbing, her throat burned and tasted like one shot too many. She could feel the coolness of the porcelain radiating into her. She had lost it all now. Her virginity, her religion, her career, and now she was sure she had lost Jackson as well.

After she got up in left the bar, he tried chasing after her. It was raining and she wasn't in the mood. She yelled, he pleaded, She cursed, and he grabbed her wrist. She pulled back hard, knocking him slightly off his feet. A nearby group of twenty-something year olds laughed, but Jackson persisted after April. She hailed a cab and slammed the door in his face when he tried to get in after her, but not before she could scream "Leave me the fuck alone". The cab pulled away and she saw Jackson cursing her, or possibly himself?, in the road. He waited there until they turned the corner and she hadnt heard from him sense. No call, not text, nothing.

She was just in her bra and underwear, and she was freezing. She stood up and in her drunken state lost her balance, catching herself on the sink. She looked up in the mirror and saw someone she couldnt recognize. Mascara ran down her face and her wet hair lay tangled around her shoulders. She saw the reflection of her bathrobe in the mirror and staggered over to grab it off of its hanger. As she went to slip it on, the tie to it fell gracefully at her feet. She sat down and wrapped the tie around her legs, lacing it up her legs like she was a ballerina.

April has wanted to be Ballerina as a kid, dance lessons were her favorite part of the weekend. She would lose herself in the dance and forget her problems. She only stopped because she couldnt handle the time demand while she was in Medical school.

She lay on the floor and dragged the tie up her body. she stopped as it hit her chest and she stood up and let it momentarily lie there- stretched across her body. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She used the bathrobe tie to pull her hair back from her face and shivers went up her spine as the ends of the tie hit her neck. She released her hair from the tie and pressed the material against her neck. She kept pushing till she stopped breathing for a second, everything went black and comfortably numb. She tried it again, but this time for a few seconds longer.

She could get used to feeling numb, feeling nothing- really.

She let the tie drag across the bathroom floor as she walked towards the tub. She threw it up over the curtain holder and brought the two ends together. Grabbing the two ends, she pulled herself up onto the edge of the tub- using her tie for balance. She teetered forward and then backward for a moment, almost testing how far she could go. She tied herself a little knot and slipped her head inside the makeshift noose. she reached up and pulled on the knot, pushing it down further. She let herself fall forward, feeling a slight jerk in the rope.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything went black, but she was still falling. She felt the tightness of the tie around her neck, constricting her breaths. Her head slammed onto the bathroom floor, and April grew cold. The blackness settled and she began to let her breaths fade. This was not the comfortably numb feeling she had been hoping for. Instead, she was not only alive, but she felt like she was dying. Her body was shaking- tears streamed down her face. The fear she felt was enough to killer her alone. Everything was fading to black now and April heard her front door slam open.

"April!" Jackson yelled

She whimpered as her eyes closed fully and she let her body give into its demands. The last thing she remembered was hearing Jackson scream "Oh god, April!" ,which filled her body with comfort as she let her problems slip away from her- for a moment at least.

A blinding light woke April. "mmmm" She moaned, and she went to roll over only to realize multiple chords and wires prevented her from doing such.

"Good morning, Kepner" April heard coming from her other side. The voice rang in her ears, it was a familiar voice that she wasn't ready to face. She turned her head and found Meredith Grey standing by her bedside. "you really scared us there!" She added as she reviewed Aprils chart.

April face flushed with embarrassment as she remembered why she was in the hospital.

_I tried to kill myself, that's right_

Unable to face Meredith she turned her head back to the other side, only to see that Jackson was curled up on the small cot next to her.

_Pick your poison- look at Jackson, or face Meredith_

"April" Meredith asserted firmly "You tried to kill yourself. As your doctor, I have to move you up to physc for suicide watch and then you'll take the necessary procedures up there. But as your friend, April, I want you to tell me what happened" April's eyes began to fill with tears. Meredith sat down on the bed beside April and put her hand down on her leg. "you can talk to me April"

April stared back at Meredith, really trying to remember what had happened. _Tequila, that's what happened_. "I, I, I" April stammered. She couldn't get much more out before she began to sob. She muffled her tears with her hands, trying to not wake up the sleeping Jackson.

"I've been there, April. I've felt like there is nothing to live for, I've stopped fighting, I gave up on life. But its not worth it, ok? Look at Jackson. You have a best friend who is willing to stay by your side all night, curled up on a crappy hospital bed, just to make sure your ok. You have friends who care about you, who love you. April, please don't give up" Meredith said, and with that she patted her leg and left the room.

Sitting there, dwelling in her thoughts- April began to think about why she had tried to kill herself. She wasn't depressed, really. She wasn't happy, but she certainly wasn't depressed. She had failed her boards, sure, and lost her job, but she could retake them next year and get a new job. Maybe it was the fear that caused her to give into the temptation of death. Fear of losing her friendship with Jackson, her relationship with Jesus. But now, here she was sitting in even more fear- the fear of what would happen next. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a voice that made chills shoot up and down her spine.

"April?" Jackson asked.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi guys! So here's an update for you! i plan updating everyday, except i have my graduation this week so i may be a day late on a couple of updates, dont hate me :p _

_So i started this story with really no idea where i was going with it but i figured you all would like knowing that i finally have an updated story/plot line for my ideas and hopefully that will help me write less scatter brained. But, as always, reviews are appreciated and yeah, thanks for reading! _

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_Crap, hows that for fear?_

There was no avoiding him now, Jackson had already known April was awake.

"hi" was the only thing she could, or really would let, escape from her mouth.

She watched carefully as Jackson got off the cot and pulled over the small wheelie stool so he could sit next to her. Shivers shot through her body. She winced as he put his hand on hers. She couldn't help the tears the were dwelling in her eyes. He's going to yell, he's going to be angry, and he's going to yell. Her heart melted as she saw Jackson burry his head in the crevice of her arm and began to cry.

"I was so scared I lost you" He said, trying to muffle his tears into the sheet.

"Oh, Jackson" She cooed as she rubbed his head with the back of her hand. "shhh, im ok, see?" She tilted his head up to look at her "im fine" she added a faux smile in attempt to comfort him.

"April, im so sorry, ok? Im sorry for everything that has happened between us, im sorry for making you fail your boards, im sorry for making you lose your job, and making you" He trailed off in his ramblings. His light blue eyes remained fixed on April. She felt so bad for making him feel this way, making him be in this much pain.

"No, Jackson' she grazed her hand across his cheek "listen, none of this is your fault, ok? Please don't think this is your fault. Im not a board certified surgeon, it happens, I can take them again next year. But please" tears began to fall down her cheek "please don't think this is your fault ok?" She removed her hand from Jackson and wiped away her tears. "Im ok, im not happy but im ok"

Before Jackson had a chance to say anything more, Meredith came back into the room with two other doctors, presumably from physc.

"April, they're going to bring you up to physc now, ok? You'll be put on 24 hour suicide watch and then from there they will create a therapy plan for you and so on"

April was scared; she had heard of the physc department of the hospital but had made the personal choice to never visit there. Cristina had told her before you could heard patients screaming at nothing, everyone slowly losing their mind. That the therapists make the less crazy patients socialize with the really crazy patients, so they can balance one another out. That the 24 hour suicide is the worst night of your life, you can't sleep because your restrained to the bed, so your forced to sit and think and deal with all your thoughts.

"Jackson?" She whimpered as the two strange doctors began unhooking her wires and pulled her up. They put her in a wheel chair and strapped her in.

"Jackson!" She turned around and just saw her friend sitting there, hands still on the bed, his blue eyes were filled with tears.

Meredith walked over to Jackson and wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her chest.

"Jackson?" April asked once more as the two doctors wheeled her out of her hospital room and brought her into the elevator. She watched as the doors shut in front of her, sealing her fate for the next 24 hours.


	4. Chapter 4

April Kepner woke up, her eyes were burning and sore from crying herself to sleep the night before. She had spent the night secluded to her hospital bed, minus the intern assigned to her case. But all the intern did was sit in the corner and read magazines , anyway. April couldn't blame her though, she would do the same thing if she was in that position. All night she had the image of leaving Jackson burning into her mind. And even after falling asleep, April still dreamed of Jackson. She dreamed of falling, hitting the bathroom floor, and Jackson never coming to rescue her. Despite being asleep, April swore she had cried all night long.

Exhausted, she wiped away the tears from her eyes as what she presumed to be her new doctor walked in.

"Hi April, I'm Doctor Libby, John Libby." April observed as he eyed the intern and she took cue and got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. "I'm going to be your therapist and I'm going to work with you to create a therapeutic plan, ok?"

April just nodded her head in submission. She looked over Doctor Libby. It was apparent he was attractive in life's past but now he looked to be about mid-fifties, gray and set deep in wrinkles.

"Now typically, we like to have you stay with a family member for a couple weeks to help you get back on your feet as you go through the therapy process. But, I understand you live away from your family and you work in this hospital, yes?"

April nodded her head again

"Yes, well, I understand Jackson Avery is living with you and he's volunteered to help take care of you while he's not here at the hospital, and your friend Meredith Grey also offered to come check in on you when Jackson couldn't"

April began to cry. She felt like a toddler, like someone who needed to be babysat 24/7, that she was being treated like fragile glass, like she was about to break.

John took notice of April's display of emotion and rested his hand on her shin. She twitched at the feeling of contact, especially from someone she had just met. He kept his hand still though.

"April," he sighed "I believe what you did was a lapse of judgment. I believe you aren't a suicidal person, or even someone just looking for attention. I just think you need some help and guidance, which is what I'm here to give you. I have developed a seven day therapy program for you, which is to help you deal with the seven stages of grief. We will discuss why you are grieving, and helpful tactics to help you grow and get past what is troubling you"

April felt comfort knowing that her doctor was so kind to her. "Thank you" she said to him, with a small smile.

"Now its not going to be easy," he warned "were going to talk about a lot of things, maybe even some uncomfortable things- but ultimately I am doing this to help you, ok?"

"Ok" April said

"Now I'm going to need you to sign this contract, agreeing to the program" He passed her a pen and a clipboard with the contract. "And here is your 24 hour release watch form" He handed April the form and she signed it with a smile. "And I will see you tomorrow morning, 8 am. A nurse will be in shortly to help you gather your things and bring you down to the lobby. Your friend Jackson is going to bring you home"

And with that, April watched as John Libby left her alone. Seven days couldn't be _that_ bad.

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Hi guys, I'm glad some of you are liking this/reading this fic! So, sorry that this is such a lame update but i just got home from work and I wont be able to update again till Friday because I have graduation rehearsal and dance and all that fun stuff, but I promise the next chapter will be filled with some great Japril scenes! So bare with me and I love you all!

If you already haven't, you should check out my other fics too!

oh and keep on reviewing (:


	5. Chapter 5

Hi guys! so here's my little disclaimer, its about to get REAL steamy up in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it (;

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April gathered her clothes together and smiled at the nurse as she left the hospital room. The nurse just looked back at her like she was crazy, but it didn't bother April all that much. She had much better things to look forward to- like going home and seeing Jackson. She danced as she waited as the elevator brought her down to the lobby. There she saw her knight in shining armor, well, her knight in light blue scrubs, standing waiting for her. A huge grin emerged on his face as April stepped out of the elevator, and he embraced her in a hug. He gave her a small kiss on the head and she let her body melt into his. She couldn't help but smile as Jackson squeezed her tightly. As he let go he grabbed her hand a squeezed it tightly.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked

April nodded her head and rested it on his shoulder as they walked out to the car.

The car ride was comfortably silent, simply listening to the radio and April watched the rain drops race across the passenger window.

Jackson had been advised to not talk to April about her suicide until at least tomorrow when she had gone through her first session of therapy. He was told to just let her grieve and try and handle it on her own. Jackson wasn't exactly comfortable with this idea, but he was just a plastic surgeon so he didn't know much about therapy.

They reached the apartment and in true gentleman fashion, Jackson opened the door for April. He grabbed her hand and helped her up the stairs. They entered their home and April had a rush of emotions hit her. This was where she had tried to kill herself. Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground crying. Jackson kneeled down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and let her bury her head in the crook of his next. She sat there on her knees, shaking, crying into Jackson. Jackson resisted every temptation to cry along with her. He wanted to cry, god did he want to bawl. But instead he just bit his lip and patted April's hair. "Shhh" he cooed, holding her tightly. He tilted her chin up and wiped away her tears with the back of his hands.

"Its going to be ok, April" he said as he ran his hand down her cheek in an attempt to comfort her.

April looked up at Jackson, his icy blue eyes stared back at her, they were so sympathetic, so understanding. April leaned up on her knees a little bit and let her lips land on Jacksons. The kiss was soft, and Jackson was a little bit hesitant. He didn't want to push Jackson into doing anything she didn't want to do, but when she wrapped her arms around his neck, he knew she knew what she was doing. Without breaking contact with his lips, April grabbed onto Jacksons shirt pulling him closer to her.

"April, I- I don't know if this is a good idea. The therapist never…" Jackson stammered.

"Jackson, I want this" April said, bringing their lips back together. "I need this. Please?"

Jackson doubted her, thinking she really didn't _need_ this, but he sure as hell wasn't going to contest.

Kissing her once more, he ran his fingers through her hair and she arched her body back ever so slightly, allowing Jackson to climb on top of her. She unbuttoned his shirt while he kissed her neck. Once she threw his shirt off of him, she pulled off her own. Next she mad way for his belt, throwing that across the floor too. Jackson fiddled with her pant buckle and April bounced her way out of the jeans she was wearing. They continued kissing when Jackson interrupted them once more.

"Should we, uh, move this to a better spot?"

April smiled, nodded her head and kissed Jackson harder. Jackson grabbed April's hands and pulled her up to her feet. They continued kissing as they fumbled through the house, ultimately finding their way to Jackson's bedroom. As they shut the door, Jackson spun them around so April was pressed against the door. Her bare stomach was touching his and Jackson could get a high on the way it felt.

April felt giddy as Jackson reached for her bra clasp, and she felt relieved as she let her breasts go free. After undoing her bra, Jackson picked her up and she wrapped her legs around her waist. They made there way to the bed and Jackson placed April down carefully. She dragged her nails back down his shoulders and let him kiss deep down her chest.

Jackson got off of her momentarily, reaching for his nightstand. He searched around in the top drawer and eventually found what he was looking for. April got chills as she heard the foil rip and sat in anticipation while Jackson put on the condom.

He climbed back on top of her and slowly began entering her. April winced a bit, still not used to the feeling, but got into it pretty quickly. Jackson had an amazing rhythm going and April loved it. She brought her shoulders back to the bed as she lived her stomach up, allowing Jackson to fill her. She trailed her hands down his back and felt the warmth of his body melting into hers.

His pace picked up and April began moving her hips as well. Jackson brought his lips back to hers and came inside her. April wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders allowing him to lie on top of her for a few moments.

He rolled off of her and put his arm around her bringing her close to him. She once again rested her head in the crook of his neck and fell off into a gentle slumber.

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Hey this is my fanfic, and this is crazy, but you just read it, so review it maybe? :D


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